Some time ago, LaGard Smith wrote a book on Christian relationships that proposed “levels” of relationship. I never read the book in its entirety but saw enough of it to know that, at the time, I was not in sympathy with its import. A quick skim of the reviews online reminds me that it was a “reaction” book, written in part to refute what Smith saw as a bad direction in Church of Christ circles. Max Lucado was a target.
The main issue I recall having had was that Smith proposed five levels of Christian relationship. (Smith’s term of choice was “fellowship.”) The desire to codify and draw circles rather than to accept others’ non-central viewpoints seemed, at the time, to be overzealous and over-exclusionary. I still don’t care for the circle-drawing exercise. For better or worse, though, I seem to find myself dealing with such levels in my all-too-real life. Here is my quasi-engagement with Smith’s levels, moving from the most restrictive to the most open:
- I have no “congregational fellowship” at all now.
- A rather small cadre of “conscience fellowship” siblings exists, and I don’t lean into them enough.
- The group of “In Christ” people I know is large, and I should lean into it more, too, but it’s elusive, given geography and life concerns.
- The “Faith Fellowship” level probably implies basic belief in Jesus Christ as the Son of God and a few other “core” doctrines. This could be an area for growth, but I think I have a latent fear that if I think about this too much, even this level of Christian relationship will fade or become troublesome, practically speaking. I’m OK for now with participating in some musical things at a couple of local churches, and enjoying generic faith statements, without too much pressure on them or me.
- “Universal fellowship” with all humans as creations of God is significant and can come into play in such situations as helping the poor in general, or protecting an abused child, regardless of faith.
I imagine that Smith’s book appealed more to the middle-of-the-roaders, and I saw myself as a progressive Christian during the era in which the book was written. Those to the right of Smith took grave exception to the very idea of having “in Christ” fellowship with those who were “in error” on other things. To ponder that phrase now sends me into sharply critical mode, embarrassed by the self-righteousness of some of the people of my general heritage. Fortunately, I’ve never been in a congregation that espoused that kind of thinking, although people’s visiting relatives and couple of outliers were sometimes culpable.
Some fourteen years ago, I recalled and wrote about an event in my life from twenty years before that time. If you’ll read the two longer paragraphs at that blog link, it will both illustrate and connect to the last portion of the present post.
The synoptic gospels record that, at least once, Jesus spoke about family relationships, emphasizing spiritual connection instead.
Then Jesus’ mother and his brothers came. Standing outside, they sent word to him, to summon him. A crowd was sitting around him and they said to him, “Look, your mother and your brothers are outside looking for you.” He answered them and said, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And looking at those who were sitting around him in a circle, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”
The NET Bible version includes this paragraph heading just above that passage:
Jesus’ True Family
Such headings can be intrusions into the text, but I like that one and don’t find it misleading. In some way, and to some degree, the Lord surely was emphasizing spiritual, mission- and partnership-based relationship.
I’m glad for closer relationships with my sisters over the last couple of years in particular, but I continue to be sad, or mildly hurt, or aghast (depending) at some of the extended “family” relationships in my life. In the past, I had been offended and left hanging out to dry by some, but most of that faded or was corrected in some measure. Yet there was more to come. And now, when I think of those I truly love as family, I quickly think of those with whom I have a historical, trusting, tested, “in Christ” relationship, but not necessarily a “blood” one.
Essentially, water is thicker than blood. Those “in Christ” with whom I share rich Christian relationship and experience really turn out to be the closest extended family members. They are, in the most important sense, “family.” And that struck me again just recently as I heartily wished a dear friend “happy birthday” (not being much of a birthday-observing person myself), while ignoring the birthday of a blood relative that was one day later.
So who are my closest family members? I won’t call them all by name here, but many of them are related to me only spiritually, and that is an eminently close relationship. Others have been just as close in the past. And I want more of this kind of relationship, no matter how it’s designated or where I find it. And I think that I too “have the Spirit of God” (a shamelessly irresponsible, textual cherry-picking!) on this matter.