A year and a half

This guy and I were becoming friends.  One day, we were working to prepare a meal at a retreat.  I confided in him.  I told him of my deep pain, my pathway, and my struggle for the last while.  Impatiently, he said, “C’mon, Brian.  It’s been a year and a half.”

He didn’t get it.

Fast forward a couple decades.  Another guy and I have become friends.  In a different phase of life, I told this one of new, deep pains and my struggles.  We shared some of his struggles, too, over a period of more than a year and a half (so far).  He has never said, “C’mon, Brian.  It’s been a year and a half.”

Be like the second friend.

4 thoughts on “A year and a half

  1. Michael Asbell 06/04/2020 / 7:19 am

    Never tell someone else how to grieve. Share insights. Share experiences. Ask questions for reflection. But never tell someone they’re doing it wrong.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Brian Casey 06/06/2020 / 11:45 am

      Thank you. Just thank you. I shared these words in conversation and almost forgot express gratitude for your insight and empathy.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. godschildrenorg 06/04/2020 / 8:39 am

    Some people have the gift of listening and caring. Others just plow on through life rough shod…they don’t get it. Your comments today awakened like memories for me. My caring therapist said to me one day when I asked her, “How do you forgive???” She said very strict, “You just do it!” I was stunned. That cut through my heart like a chain saw! (That was many years ago.) Her words only made the pain worse.

    One day the pain will lessen. Betrayal, divorce is much more painful than losing a loved one in death…in my opinion. “Letting go” is a process. I finally was able to pray that God would forgive my sexual abuser.

    I have a good life now with a fine Christian husband. I do love him, and thank God every day for him. But, even today, remembering the loss of my dear Dan in death June 9, 2009…tears came. We are complicated souls. I don’t know if my ramblings make any sense, or if it is helpful at all. But, I care, Brian. I understand, and I pray for you.
    ~~ Anne, still in Athens…due to having no immune system, I’m in self-imposed lockdown…not safe for me to go where others are. I’m OK.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Brian Casey 06/06/2020 / 11:43 am

      Thank you for all these words. I see that you are coming up on a painful “anniversary,” too. You will likely have tears again, and I (along with Ivars and all your other decent friends) will not say, “C’mon, Anne. It’s been 11 years.” I can feel the sting of the chainsaw. Man.

      Thank you for your understanding, even in your own “stuff.” I only personally know 4 or 5 who simply must “stay safe” in virtual lockdown. Keep doing that. Where I am, we may actually get to sit down in a restaurant today, and that will be safe for us — as non-immuno-compromised folks who wash their hands and keep at reasonable distance.


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