(Un)prepared

I was unprepared for a) worship or b) study or even c) being with other people one Sunday.  So I didn’t really do any of the above.  For me, none of it happened.

I was less than prepared for my dress rehearsal the next day.  I had to go through with it anyway, and I made it happen..

In terms of the sense of “must,” one event was different from the other.  One was an opportunity related to Almighty God; the other was a job related to vocation.

I wonder this:  why the difference in my personal sense of obligation?  (Or was it my personal sense of what to do in the face of the opportunity?)

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2 thoughts on “(Un)prepared

  1. Anne Boyd 10/15/2013 / 4:22 pm

    You open yourself up wide open with such a personal question, Brian. First thing that came to me is that the one is not as important to you as the other. Or, the first doesn’t give much to you…so you feel little need to put something into it to “make it happen.” When you find the real answer to that, let me know. Remembering studies from long ago, 80% of the people who make it to “church,” do about 20% of the “work.” There’s much to say about this, but what I will say is, “Good Night, and God Bless!” Anne

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    • Brian Casey 10/15/2013 / 6:36 pm

      Yes, well … it was not unintentionally that I “opened myself up.” I have this closet fear of readers’ thinking I’m setting myself up as right, righteous of my own accord, and all that. And I have had to wonder, too, whether one of those things is less important to me than I purport it to be. I can excuse myself somewhat by saying “there’s nothing really of value for me” some days. (That’s another way of saying “it doesn’t give much to me.”) But I have this nagging guilt feeling that I am not putting in what God would have me put in. My brain tells me I’m fine — analysis gives me the “right” not to treat certain church activities as worthy of my time. But my heart sometimes tells me otherwise . . . or is it my conscience? or a false sense of guilt? Or a combination of various, confusing, background influences?

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