Why, oh, why?

I think some of my rants are quasi-important, but since I haven’t indulged in one for a while, I should clearly state that this one isn’t important at all.  :-)   I’ll label this clearly as a mini-rant whose title’s question doesn’t really demand an answer.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally got through the last steps of an arduous process.  Completing Phase Three of a tenure review process?  No.  Finishing radiation treatments?  No.  Something far less important.

It took about six weeks to finish — in part, because of

• not living anywhere near a hardware store or a Walmart
• not remembering things at the times when I was nearer those stores
• de-prioritizing this whole escapade, since its importance pales in comparison to a lot of other goings-on

The problem?  Installing a license plate on the front bumper of our 2008 Honda Accord.

According to this site, as of 2009, 31 of these “united” states require a 2nd license plate on the front bumper.  Here are a few questions.

1. First:  why?  Why is the front plate required by these 31, and why do the other 19 not require it?  Could it be that some tax-mongering states — I don’t know, like NEW YORK? — required it so they could collect higher fees for registering cars?
2. What is the likelihood that a front license plate will help catch a crook or a drug dealer?
3. Why, given that 31 states do require it, does my Accord not have a built-in way to attach the plate?  Honda, couldn’t you have made that a little easier?
4. Do prison inmates make license plates anymore?  If not, why not?  Seems like a good occupation for them.

Here’s my jerry-rigged front plate.  

This little operation required three trips to different stores over a period of 5-6 weeks, about an hour of my time, 6-8 bolts (see extra bolts on one corner in the 1st pic), brackets (see 2nd pic), a couple of washers, and some electrical tape (also see 2nd pic.  And I still think the plate will end up falling off.

Broken systems (3) – a conclusion

(continued)

Our “town,” Hume, has its maintenance shed between the hamlets (townlets) of Fillmore and Hume.  Every morning when there’s new snow on the ground—which is often from November through March!—from the maintenance shed emerges this overgrown golf cart-snowplow (with a snowblower attachment).  It makes its way around “town,” clearing the embarrassingly cracked, broken sidewalks nicely but leaving driveways more blocked than they had been.  Taking our neighbor’s cue, we now call this thing, with its driver, “Cart-man.”  Invariably, after one has cleared the snow from his driveway so he can leave for work, he goes back in to get his briefcase or lunch . . . that is the time that Cart-man cometh. (Insert Jaws music here.)  The machine clears the sidewalks again, leaving ridges of driveway-blocking snow that must to be re-shoveled so you can get your car out.

I have long wondered who decided that Cart-man constitutes a bona fide service to our community.  The way I have it figured, about 10% of our population actually walks the sidewalks on blustery, snowy days, whereas 80-90% of us drive cars and need our driveways.  Cart-man is hindering life for more of us than he’s helping.  Not to mention that in this part of the country, if you’re walking the sidewalks, you probably have boots, right?  Walking on a snowy sidewalk isn’t all that problematic if you have boots.

I wish the “town” would cease & desist with Cart-man’s job (and maybe the Cart, too!).  This manpower could be better put to use helping to plow or shovel old ladies’ driveways in the winter and actually fixing the sidewalks in the summer.  Another broken system, I think.

Writing all of this gives me minimal catharsis.  It’s written with entertainment in mind first, but then with a view toward asking, again, as I asked after discussing Chase’s broken system, what about the church?

What systems are broken in Christendom?

What are we doing in our church operations and processes that doesn’t make sense?

What legacy systems remain in place merely because no one has paused to reconsider for a decade, or a century?

I’ll put one legacy system forward:  the second church assembly on Sundays.  This practice has been a tradition in some denominations for years, but what sense does it make to ask everyone to come Sunday morning, then go home, then trek back again Sunday night?  Why not just capitalize on the one assembly—whether morning or night, it matters not to me?  Extend it, deepen it, broaden it . . . but don’t have two of the same thing on the same day, separated by six hours.   That’s a broken system, people.

Lest anyone think I don’t care for church assemblies, think again.  An important part of my Christian identity is wrapped up in Christian gatherings.  I do want to make the ones we have count, and I’d rather see us have three or more such opportunities on different days throughout the week than to have two of them on the same day.  But as with most systems, each specific context requires consideration and examination.  What works in our neck of the woods may not be best in yours.

What church systems need fixing, in your estimation?

Pre-Xmas rant: another state bites the dust

Since it’s not actually Christmas, today’s the day for a rant.  I’m calling this “Another state bites the dust.”

Coming back into Delaware this week for an eagerly anticipated visit, I have found myself embarrassed for the state I sort of still call “home.”  There’s a new law, effective Jan. 2 (brilliant! this lets New Year’s Day drunk drivers text and use their phones but penalizes the work world on the first day back to work!) that illegalizes all handheld cell phone use while driving.

Says Rep. Dennis P. Williams, D-Wilmington, a retired lawman, “Why do we need this legislation?  What about a cup of coffee (being a distraction)?  What about a CD player or a radio?”

And I agree wholeheartedly with the thrust of Rep. Williams’s questions.  (I remain proud of my previous, expanded “Letterman list” of reasons not to treat cell phones specially.  Please allow yourself to be amused, angered, or at least impressed by reading this.)  There’s no doubt that some drivers can’t handle doing anything but driving.  Yet I am quite sure that cell phone use will not be the camel’s spine-breaking straw for me.  No, for me, it’s all the thoughts in my head that deserve legislating against.  They will much more likely distract me irretrievably, and having a cell phone available to use could actually help get a thought out of my head, making me more safe.  Anyway, there are far better uses of lawmakers’ time than trying to legislate safety through restrictions of necessary, near-daily functions in our current living patterns.

I think I won’t comment on texting much, except to say that I don’t currently text, and I would probably support some measure of anti-texting laws, especially for younger and less experienced drivers.  I’ve probably logged nearly a half-million miles, having traveled cross-country several times, living and working in various country, and urban, and suburban areas.  I know my driving well enough to know that no silly cell phone law will make a difference for me.  Shoot—I was once talking on my phone while eating a hamburger and driving a standard-transmission car, and I was still plenty alert and defensibly capable enough to avoid a driver who cut me off.

Delaware, I’m glad I don’t live here anymore.  I’m embarrassed for you that you’re the 8^th state to enact such legislation.  As more states seem to be biting the dust with such silliness, I’m sure it was inevitable, but I’d have been less ashamed of my home state if it had been 48^th or even 38^th.

Admittedly, the state’s population has grown by leaps & bounds.  Even I, having returned a couple of times per year for the last ten, was surprised that the numbers have risen so dramatically.  The population I remember as a kid was 550,000; the current census reports 990,000, so there’s no doubt that the roads are more crowded and not as safe as they were.

The population growth probably makes many residents and legislators nervous, and on one hand, I understand that.  80% growth in their adult lives would likely make a lot of 60- and 70-year-old senators feel anxious.  Maybe their creeping, septuagenarian senility led to paranoia and the making of yet another stupid law:  the removal of the little “catch” devices that prop gas pump handles in the “on” position.  Oh, my goodness!  You’ve got to be kidding. . . .  I thought Delaware was at least smarter than New York.  Never had seen this one before moving to the Empire State, which has got to be the most-overrun-with-laws-and-bureaucracy state in the union.  Delaware and New York, at least, have actually made it necessary to hold the pumps on instead of propping them and resting your hands, or warming your hands, or washing the windshield while the gas is dispensed.  The logic of this illogic probably goes something like this:  if we make people hold the pumps with their hands, there will be fewer spills.  But this indeed is illogical, because the same thing happens with every gas pump I’ve ever used, regardless of whether one is holding the pump with one’s hand or depending on the metal catch device: when the level of gas rises to the point of being sensed by the sensor, the automatic shutoff kicks in.  Voila—no more gas coming out.

Now, I should add that one of the two flaws in my Hyundai Tucson’s design is that the tank’s fill path is shaped in such a way as to inhibit the sensor.  The one pumping gas must listen carefully to the pitch of the dispensing in order to stop pumping before a couple of tablespoons spill out onto the paint.  But again, this spillage problem will never be mitigated by a law that eliminates the pump-handle props.

Merry Christmas, senators and representatives.  May someone (in some state somewhere) who has legislative interest and charisma read this blog, and may the next state to travel these unnecessary paths have a “bridge out” sign erected in front, so a 180 is necessary.  And may the Season bring hope and warmth and a sense of eternity that leads to lucidity in the New Year.  Reverse these silly cell phone and gas pump laws, New York and Delaware!